I’m Scared

I’m Scared

~to not love again.

 Why wasn’t I warned that it would be this hard?

I had given my heart,

I wanted him, and I had him

Why didn’t anyone tell me it could have been infatuation?

The child in me had died

when I knew it was no longer true.

I had played up and messed up his mind

Shattered his soul and set myself free.

I’m scared to love again.

 

I’m scared to love again

because I know Karma is waiting for me,

He’s around the corner or even in my classroom.

He will come in the form of someone I love and-

He’ll abandon me like I had once.

I’m scared to love again.

 

I’m scared to love again

Because I’ll pay the price,

I know history will be repeated again

For five years I’ve locked myself away and

it only gets worse,

Because the feelings won’t stay contained anymore.

I’m scared to love again.

 

It is a mere coincidence that I no longer-

find mutual love,

It has gone for a vacation and won’t be back till I redeem myself,

I’m confused and even disturbed at times

I’m not the 15 year old girl, turning 21 soon enough

I miss goodnight wishes.

I’m scared to love again.

 

I’m scared to love again

Because I’m guilty.

 

I’m scared to love again

Because it often seems easy to forget,

And yet this memory still stands strong in my mind.

I built walls, not because someone might break me

But what if I break someone again?

 

My feelings for him dissipated long ago

Then what do I long for?

I’m scared to love again

Because I feel that someone will lose interest in me,

Sooner than ever.

Maybe I’ve matured over the years and maybe I haven’t

But it doesn’t get any easier

Because it took me a year to get used to-

Not receiving text messages from you.

I don’t want to get attached again.

 

I’m scared to love again,

Because I’m getting used to this,

Because it took guts and little glory

To tell someone I loved,

Because it took guts and all glory

to kiss him,

Because it took sticks and stones

to break my body,

but not my soul.

 

I’m scared to love again,

Because I’ve become attached again.

I’m sorry for what I was and what I am.

So different then and so different now

I’ve become what I warned him I would never become.

 

Echoes from the other side

And I’m scared to listen

I’m scared to open the door because

Karma will be waiting outside.

 

I’m scared to love again

Because it’s never to late to start again

It never happens the same way

And I’m scared to make the same mistake again.

 

This isn’t a cry for help or self pity,

A mere memoir of what I have been.

 

 

I miss being loved but I don’t miss you.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

-Can’t help falling in love(Elvis Presley)

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “I’m Scared

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s